Possible Methods

You'll remember that at the beginning of the month I posted all the titles for all the posts I would be writing this month.  You may be wondering how this was possible.  Well, there's a funny and completely fabricated story behind that.  What I'm about to tell you may be a little shocking.  You see, I've invented a machine that allows me to have very brief glimpses of the future.  I made it out of a wooden board and some parts from an old lamp that I found in the spare room.  It works like this: the wires are mounted on the wooden board, stripped at the ends, and placed about a foot and a half apart.  Then the cord is plugged into the wall socket.  Normally, the wires would be too far apart for the electrical charge to cover the distance between the wires.  That's where the magnet comes in.  It's mounted to the board between the wires.  It spins at a variable speed, creating a magnetic field that allows that electrical circuit to be completed.  The speed that the magnet spins is controlled by a dial on the control pad.  So what powers the spinning magnet?  That's the interesting part.  It's powered by the electricity traveling between the wires.  You see, the spinning magnet allows the electrical circuit to complete and the completed circuit powers the spinning magnet.  This results in a variable closed time-like curve.  This creates a "time field" between the wires.  The time curve advances into the future, constantly trying to overcome itself.  The faster the magnet spins, the faster it advances into the future.

Patent Pending (Around 2015 from what I've seen.)

Now, having created this device, I placed my head into the time field, so that the electrical feeds were lined up with my temples.  It was extremely painful, but I was able to get a flash of the future.  It was very brief.  Believe me, you can't hold your head in that thing for very long, and if you use it too many times, I'm pretty sure you'll get brain cancer.  Anyway, in this brief flash, I saw my computer screen.  It was just as I had published my last post of the month.  Along the right side I saw the titles of all the archived posts.  I made a quick note of them and then pulled my head out of the time field.  Smoke was pouring from my temples and my brain was throbbing, but I quickly grabbed a pen and paper and wrote down all of the post titles.  Then I think I blacked out. 

So, I knew the titles, but I didn't know anything about the content of the posts, which brings me to this post.  You see, I just assumed that "possible methods" referred to possible methods which physicists had proposed for traveling in time.  After all, this was Time Travel Month, right?  So, I set out to write a post about that.  Well, it wasn't going well.  I was knee deep in relativity, worm holes, the Casimir effect, and rotating lasers.  It wasn't making sense to me at all.  Even worse, I had the weirdest feeling that I wasn't writing the post I was supposed to write.  Something just felt...off.

Then I come to find out that Chanel over at Fabulously Neurotic had given me The Stylish Blogger Award.  I certainly appreciated the thought on her part, but I wasn't sure how I was going to fit it in with my time travel themed schedule.  I had seen the titles unmistakably.  There had been nothing about any awards.  There was no doubt about it.  I had to stick with the titles I had seen.  How was I possibly going to do this?  I was going to have to devise some method of fitting it in.  And then it hit me.  The title didn't refer to the "possible methods" of time travel.  The title was referring to the possible methods that I could come up with to accept this award and not disrupt my time travel theme.  These were my options:

1. I could just wait till next month to deal with this award.
2. I could continue to write my post that was going nowhere and then tack the award thing on at the end.
3. I could just make up a bunch of crap.

Well, it seems like option 3 is always my go-to move when I get stumped, so here I am, at it again.  On to the award:

It appears that there are some rules that go along with accepting this award:

1. Link back to the person that gave you the award (check)

2. Share seven things about myself.

3. Pass it on to ten blogs I'm following

4. Tell them I gave them the award (You know what; I'm going to pass on this last part.  Consider this a little experiment to separate the wheat from the chaff.  I lost a follower the other day.  Apparently someone had something better to do that read my uneducated ramblings.  Can you imagine?  So, consider this a test.  If you want this award you're going to have to come here and read this nonsense.  I'll know who reads, by who knows that they got the award.  Yeah!)

Okay, so seven things about me, hmmm:

1. I have a circular spot on the side of my head where hair has never grown.  I don't know why.  Seriously.

2. I have three cats, a dog, and wayyyy too much hair around my house.

3. But I don't have enough hair on my head.

4. I thought the Transformers was like the greatest thing when I was kid.  Now, I have no idea why I thought that.

5. Supposedly, I have an I.Q. of 142.  (Hey, you asked.)

6. I have a memory from when I was two weeks old.  I was born with some kind of rare intestinal defect where my muscle was knotted around my intestine or something.  I was throwing up almost all the food I was given, I guess.  One day when I was 2 weeks old, I was choking on my food and had to be rushed to the hospital.  I remember being on the couch and my mother running into the kitchen to use the phone on the wall.  I remember another baby that was in the room with me that had all these tubes and wires attached to it.  It seemed like there was a glow around it.  I remember everyone feeling sorry for this baby.  No one believes that I remember these things, but I do.

7. I did briefly attend college.  I majored in psychology.

Okay, so who am I going to give this too that doesn't already have it?

Vincent @ Wayfarer's Notes.  He's got an awesome blog, full of all kinds of deep musings.


Darv2005@Attitude and Pepper Spray.  An insider look at our penal system.


Rachel Hoyt@Rhyme Me a Smile. She's rhymes at all times.


Deanne@Some Days or Now. I really like her perspective on things.  And she's never afraid to disagree with me.


Tommy Douglas@Notes on Living.  We still don't know what happens when you strap buttered bread to a cat, and we only pray the world never finds out.


Martin Redford@The Perfect Male Blog.  By definition, trying to help me become a better person.


Doug Stevens@I Like Cheese.  Who doesn't like Cheese?


Patricia Lynne@My Journey Through the Pages.  Some nice honest thoughts about the writing a publishing process.


Asha Coleman@Random Ramblings of an Agnostic Mom.  She's just hilarious and clever, and my dreams make more sense to her than they do to me.


Lea White@My Writing Journey.  She's my daughter and she almost never reads this.  Actually, she'll probably be the only person on this list that doesn't realize she got the award.  Serves her right.


So there you go.  They said it couldn't be done, and I did it.  Actually, I said it couldn't be done.  That'll show me.


(This post is also available in extra cheesy version.)