The other day I got the "Versatile Blogger Award" from Chanel, via Candice, who I think deserves an honorable mention in her own right. So, there I was with this award, which comes with all kinds of rules which I'm just going to flat out ignore, and I got to wondering, "What's so versatile about it?" In fact, I'm not sure what any of these awards are supposed to do except sit over my sidebar as a concentrated testimony to my undeniable greatness. Doesn't sound very versatile to me. So, I set out to fix this sad state of affairs and come up with some really versatile uses for these awards.
1. The "Life is Good Award", which I got from Donna, can be used as a handy camouflaged kite on a nice spring day. You can fool people into thinking that there's a rainbow in the sky. Then they'll take pictures of them and post them on Facebook as if anyone cares.
2. The "Atypical Dollar...um" Okay, so this one isn't really an award. It was a button, but Scott vaguely suggested that he might make it an award. Well, good enough for me. With the awards it goes. Anyhow, I figure that you could print out tons of these and take them to your seedier strip clubs.
Washed-Up Stripper: A whole dollar!? For me!?
You: Yeah, you totally...uh, deserve it I guess. Just don't, like, flip it over or anything.
Washed-Up Stripped: Why does it have a transparent "N" on it?
You: I gotta go.
3. The "Your Blog Doesn't Suck Award" from Doug clearly belongs over the fireplace mantle. Time to take down that Picasso and put up a real work of art.
4. The "I Pity the Fool that Don't Read Your Blog Award" from Asha has limited applications, but it can be made into a real cool Mr. T-Shirt if you ever find your self caught in a time warp and sent back to 1983. People might start asking what a "blog" is. That's when you spray them with your future mace.
5. The "LOL Award" from Rachel via Lolamouse is great for bait in a mouse trap. Forget that pesky old cheese. Lure the mice in with something they really crave. You know what I'm saying?
6. The "Stylish Blogger Award" from Chanel would make a fine looking hat. Sure, people might look at you funny, but it says "stylish" right on it. How much more classy can you get?
7. The "Your Worth a Million Bucks Award" from Rachel is perfect as a band-aid decal. Now, instead of a mere field dressing for minor scrapes and wounds, it'll be like you're putting a million dollar price tag on your child when they come to you in tears. It's great for their self-esteem and it declares your asking price if you ever decide to put the kid on Ebay.
So, there you go. As far the Versatile Blogger Award itself, I'm thinking that maybe I'll print up thousands of them on napkins, since napkins are about as versatile as it gets. You can wipe up anything with them. Am I right?
Another follower gone? Are you kidding?
ReplyDeleteI clicked the button and it took me to Scott's blog. How does that work?
ReplyDeleteMy favorite...is probably...
The rainbow kite one. "Life is Good." Yes. I'd love to fool a bunch of people into thinking there was a rainbow just to watch their disappointed faces as I reeled it in and took it elsewhere...
That doesn't make me a bad person...right?
I think that's how it's supposed to work. Or do mean, how do you link the picture?
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing at the disappointed faces too. I guess that makes us both evil. >:)
Yes, how do you link the picture.
ReplyDeleteWell...I guess we're evil, then. Oh well. I always thought the bad guys had more fun anyway.
Go into the "Design" page for your blog. Click "Add a gadget" along the sidebar. Choose "Picture" from the menu that pops up in separate window. Upload the file. Then go to your blog page. Click on the little tools next to the picture. This will bring up an editing window. There will be fields at the top for "Title", "Caption", and "Link" Put the link in "Link" and you're home free.
ReplyDeleteJust so you know, I put like...10 minutes of photo-shopping into that dollar. I am very proud of it and I hear defacing money is a crime, which makes us all criminal minds. Sweet!
ReplyDeleteReally? How about those "Where's George" things people used to do?
ReplyDeleteSince I am a fountain of useless knowledge, I can tell you that it is only a crime to deface money if the intent is defraud. Like if you use a Sharpie to add a couple of extra zeroes after the one.
ReplyDeleteAnd those are the best use of awards I have ever seen. And you are quite an artist. I especially like the tights on the stripper.
She's a bit chunky, eh?
ReplyDeleteI was wondering where you're supposed to put these awards (as it seems you will inevitably get them) because there's no room on my shelves at home. Now I know. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteAwesome ideas. And I'm sure your mantelpiece was getting full anyway. I keep my awards in a duffel bag along with all of the gear I won playing Mafia Wars on Facebook. I case I have to bug out quickly, it's all right there handy.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Tell Lea she needs to write some more. I love her stuff. A chip off the old block, I'd say.
ReplyDeleteI'm so honored that my lolamouse is being used as a lure for mouse "johns." I guess she does like kinda whorish in that getup!
ReplyDelete@Rev: She gets easily distracted.
ReplyDelete@Lolamouse: Ha! Well that's putting it in the worst possible light, isn't it? I just meant that the other mice were in love with her because they think she's pretty. But hey, if you wanna go with a prostitution angle.... :)
Nice working of good old MS Paint! You are my hero. I am super lame with the awards. I say thank you and then chuck them in a corner and forget about them...I am violating some unspoken blog code, I'm sure.
ReplyDelete